Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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