question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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