I want to have your abortion
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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