Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
