I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she smelled like a LAN party
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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