last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
