what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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