the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
