Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
