That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
