I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
