i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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