worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
