Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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