??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize