Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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