well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Congratulations! We have a period
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
