If you die in college, do you die in real life?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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