hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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