Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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