She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
