I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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