the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
