Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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