In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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