i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
