By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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