If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
