See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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