so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
