anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
