Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
