I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
