There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
