I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
