I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
barbara walters just said penis...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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