I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
