Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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