I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
