It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
should my penis look like a turkey
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
