Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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