mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
