this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
