Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm too high and old for this...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
