Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
