In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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