I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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