have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize