I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
