Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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