which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
