ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
