i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think people are normalizing furries
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
