can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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