i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize
