why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
