this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
