Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
