I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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