I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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