Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize