You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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