Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
