so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Someone came in the potted fern
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
