I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
