If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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