You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
