if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
