shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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