did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
