That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
