Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
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