Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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