The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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